The pics tell it all...

I have planned and wrapped and budgeted my brains out for months and it was over soooo quick. The boys are happy and entertained at present. We'll see how long that last. Because of church and travel plans, we usually open on Christmas Eve. This year they nagged me into opening at 3pm. I remember doing the same so I guess it's o.k.

Merry Christmas to ALL!!

Pics from Kevin's Grad...Dayton Trip

Rev. Dr. Kevin Howard Orr

On December 19th, Kevin officially became a Dr. the boys and I made it for most of the service. They didn't understand the true scope but they hung in there. Noah at one point asked if he could blow out the candles. We were at a Catholic church, so I told him that could mess up someones prayers. Noah also saw Daddy kiss some woman during the service. He looked at me and said "ohhhh Daddy's in trouble". As they processed out Noah ran right up to Kevin and told him that mommy's was going to slap him in the face for kissing that woman!!

My dream of being married to a Dr. finally came true!!!! Seriously it was a lot of work and I'm very proud!!

Afterwards I drove the boys to my two childhood homes...that was fun. Above are more pictures. The house is 6310 Shadowlake Dr. my home for 10yrs. to 15yrs old.

I'm OK

Just a quick note because I can't leave that blah post hanging out there. I'm starting to feel a little better or at least neutral. I'm not sure this antidepressant is going to work because the Dr. said to increase my dose but when I tried my BP went up and headaches started. So since my BP was fine on the lower dose I'm going to try to hold it out here for a few weeks and see if it works. If not I'll have to move on to something else.

On the other hand, Micah is doing GREAT. His new antidepressant has brought smiles back to his face and he seems more like himself.

I'm pretty much ready for Christmas, a little more wrapping to do and then the big day.

Blah blah

Just a quick update because I could use some positive vibes sent my way. Weaned off my old antidepressant this week and started the new one. Good news is it hasn't effected my blood pressure and have a little more energy, don't want to sleep all the time. But since I'm not up to full effectiveness on the new one, I'm feeling really depressed. Cried a lot today, feel irritable and overwhelmed.

Micah is feeling about the same as me. Got a one day suspension today for ripping up a paper and calling his science teacher the "B" word. He admits the paper, but swears he did not say the word that got him suspended. I tend to believe him as he seems to only be getting in real trouble with this teacher that he only is with 45min a day. I had a discussion with the principal, asking again for some support from the school system instead of just punishments, but feel like I'm beating my head up against the wall. So we'll be having some meetings soon I hope. Last spring we did all this testing and had meetings that got us nowhere. They said yes he has ADD, ODD, depression but since it isn't effecting him at school we don't need to do anything. I reminded the principal of this conversation and said now that it is effecting him at school something needs to be done. He says the punishments etc. would be the same even with some accommodation, so what good is that going to do. I pointed out that at least we'd have a plan and be working as a team to help Micah instead of punishing him for lack of motivation, apathy and outburst which are all not really Micah but symptoms of his diagnoses. Of course I think he should be punished for bad behavior but I also think the teachers could see this behavior escalating and sent him for a time out or to the counselor to talk it out, preventing the anger from escalating to this outburst.

I know that this stress is disproportionately worse due to my own depression and that this cycle will head back up again but it's just really hard right now. It's also effecting my eating and exercise. Yoga makes me feel better but even that has been hard to stay motivated to get to.

Monthy Measurements

I've had a rough month when it comes to weight loss so we are going to celebrate the non-scale victories this update. I'm still at 279 but expect a big move to be coming. Since Halloween I allowed sugar back into my life and I can't break the cycle. I think when I eat something sweet it just spikes my blood sugar and when it comes back down I need more. In general I think I'm eating the same amounts just not always of the right foods. And I don't always stay full for 4 hours which has been easy in the past. I've had less motivation with the exercise also only did 17 out of my 23 for this month goal. But on to the positives.

I still lost inches 1 in hips, .5 in waist, 3 in my chest!!!, 1 in calf's and 1 in thighs. For a grand total of 8.5 this month. I was wearing a 4x-26/28 top now I can wear an 1x, or 14/16. I am snugly in size 20 jeans and comfortably in 22's.

Exercise..I could barely tie my shoes now I can stand on my hands and my head in yoga. I've been easily doing 90min athletic yoga workouts and looking forward to them. I took my friend Ron on Thanksgiving and he was sweating buckets by the end and he runs 6 miles at a time and is in the shape of his life.

Mental Health...I've been doing biweekly counseling sessions which are helping me deal with the non-food issues of this weight loss. I started a new antidepressant today that I hope will give me more motivation and energy instead of the numbness I felt on the old one. I've successfully weaned off of Lexapro that I've taken for almost 3 years, without any melt downs yet.

I can finally see a major difference in my before and after pictures.

My Dr. gave me a little fill and a lot of encouragement last week. Reminding me that I will need more support through January since food is all around. I'm back to every two week appts. for now.

Check Her Out!!!!!!!!!

331 in Feb.

294.5 August

280 November

Updates!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was at the Muse concert this weekend and I walked by a mirror. And I thought cool a slimming mirror. I called my new friend over who I thought would appreciate a look at herself. She said no it's not, that's just a normal mirror. I guess I haven't adjusted to my newer self yet.

Had 4 Dr. appt today, new psychiatrist to adjust my meds, counselor to deal with my ongoing issues, surgeon to get a small fill, and dentist for 3 fillings!!! Busy day but good investment in taking care of myself.

Having a few issues with not wanting to do any exercise except yoga. But can't fit that in everyday. Have been eating some junk since Halloween, broke the no sweet habit and kept breaking it. Had lots of leftover rolls from Kevin's party and have been eating them to often. Was avoiding the Dr. because I knew my weight loss wouldn't be great, but he gave me a good pep talk and I'm just going to keep on keeping on. Unless I get the band taken out, I can't give up on this diet. I am up a pound,but really had lost 4 and gained 5 by my count.

Kunda-WHAT?!?

I headed out to my regular Saturday free Yoga class at the Edge this am. I like it because there are usually a lot of new people. It boosts my self esteem to know where we are going next. Being an "advanced" student compared to the new yogis is great. Today we had a sample class of Kundalini yoga. I had seen the class on the schedule, heard about the teacher with turbans, but I had no clue what it was. I had read the description that had to do with clearing chakras and it sounded to new agey to me so I never went. So the teacher, we'll call her J in case she googles Kundalini and her name and finds this blog. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

She greeted me at the door, great eye contact, firm handshake. Fully dressed in white plus a white turban head thingy. She was probably in her 60's. You know those people who really got into Macrame plant holders in the 70's or beanie babies in the 90's and just never got out of it. Yeah she was stuck. 60's India, I guess. We started on the floor and normal pose but then we were doing dragon breathing and pulling our sexual organs up towards our navels. Yes she actually said constrict your "rectum, your sexual organs up towards your navel". Then she had us hold our thumbs up, stick out our tongues and pant like a puppy. I held the laughter in, but I thought this has to be a joke...where's the camera. But I really lost it when she had us do a spinal massage back and forth on the mat. She said "that's it, rock and roll, dance with your soul." The last straw was when she said I want you to do what Roger does and I'm going to talk you through it. Lay on your mat, do you feel it your like little popcorn heating up in oil. Move on your mat....move all your limbs, bounce all around. It looked ridiculous.

So I didn't sweat but I had a really good laugh. That's it dance with your soul.....

Need Advice HELP

Noah is getting in serious trouble at school lately. He has had 2 trips to the principal and several other in classroom punishments. Yesterday on conference day he got caught in the bathroom talking about killing another student who tattled on his friend. The teacher said this student gets in trouble with her for the constant tattling. Today got a call from the teacher who said she lost it with him and another student because they told an autistic student that his lunch partner was out of school because he died. I know Noah's true self and he would not hurt a student. And I also appreciate his ability to express his emotions. But I don't know how to convey that he has to be his own person no matter what the other kids are doing. And that his words matter and they hurt people. His teacher says that he is not the ring leader but that doesn't really help us when he's following the bad behavior. We're going to start with being grounded all weekend. I also think he'll need to do some acts of kindness to make amends. I'll take any advice anyone has about how to deal with this. Parenting is HARD!!!!!!!!

October Summary

Lost 7lbs. this month. Maybe a little off because of travel, always eat more than I normally would when I'm off my routine. Had a great trip to Nashville and Atlanta seeing college friends and Uncle Ron.

Starting taking measurements about 6 weeks ago. I've lost 2 in. in my hips, 3.5 in my waist, 2 in my chest, 1 off each arm, 1.5 off of each calf and 2.5 off of each thigh. That's a grand total of 17.5 inches! Wish I would have kept track of this since the beginning or at least since I started exercising. But I'm thrilled with the results so far.

I DID ITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally almost did a headstand at Yoga tonight. They were doing really crazy things in the ultimate class, so I thought I have to go out of my comfort zone. I did it against the pillar and managed to get one leg off of the wall. I must say it was very invigorating. All that blood rushing to your head creates a great natural high.

Bling!

I was just upstairs showing Micah some new clothes I bought him. He said "did you get me any new shirts". I told him he didn't need any new shirts. He said "I want a shirt like Cameron wore for pictures." He explained it was white with gold money signs and money bags. Then he said he wanted a necklace with a cents sign on it. I think he meant a dollar sign. I said then you'll really be gangster, which is a word he uses all the time. I thought I'd try to be cool. He said "mom to be a gangster you need a girl and a gun." And you have to be bad. I tried to convince him that he could start a new gangster thing and just have girls who are friends, no guns and be cool not bad. Then I told him that he didn't have to wear anything or have anything to be cool, he was already cool. He said "I know that mom, I just want to be like Cameron, because he's my friend". This conversation is a great reminder of how hard it is to parent sometimes. I love that Micah is outgoing and artistic and into fashion. But it scares me that he would think having a gun was cool. I'm sure we'll continue these kinds of conversations in the year to come. Well have to go because now my growing up boys are fighting over the remote.

OMG I Have Fasciculation Syndrome!!!

After exercising, specifically walking I have twitching in my legs. I actually love that feeling, I know that my muscles actually had a workout. I assumed it happened to everyone. So I just got back from my walk, wanted to update my exercise log, I sit down at the computer and my legs muscles are twitching like crazy. I love Google...I just put in "why do muscles twitch after exercise?" and I found out it's called Benign Fasciculation syndrome. I left out the benign part in my title because everyone knows what that it and it would've ruined the shock factor. The article I read said it comes after intense aerobic exercise. That makes me feel good...my walk was actually intense aerobic exercise. I've pretty much settled into yoga, walking and Wii as my exercise routine. This seems to work well in my schedule. I can do yoga during the school day and walks or Wii in the evening. When I walk around the cul-de-sacs, the kids are usually outside playing. I can hear them the whole time I'm walking, so I know they are safe without me right close to the house. It's nice that they are more independent and I can worry more about taking care of myself. O.K must go now so I can make a Dr. appt. to discuss the treatment course for Fasciculation Syndrome.

STABLE

I've had a good month. Lost 8.5 lbs, most of it in the first part of the month. I'd really like to hit 10lbs. a month, but am still happy with the downward motion. I've been stuck between 286-288 for 10days. This(losing fast then stalling) is becoming my pattern so I just need to just keep doing what I'm doing and relax. It would probably be better if I stayed off the scale except for once a month, but I just can't do it. I have to know everyday. I need to change my attitude about it a little. I shouldn't say stalling or stuck, maybe just "stable".

Had a good month of exercise also. Yoga is the only thing I really look forward to doing. The last few weeks, if I haven't had that planned it's been a fight to do anything else. I haven't done the toning routine for a while, but will get back to doing it at least a few times a week this month.

Feeling ok in the depression front. Medicine is working, still sleepy and unmotivated at times, but mostly feeling like myself again.

Checking In...

It's been a while since I've written. Though I don't really have a topic to talk about thought I'd update on several issues.

Noah's arm is healing. He had his follow up appt. today with the orthopedist. Kevin took him, he said it's stiff still. But to just take it easy and it'll work itself back to normal. So we just have to keep an eye on him.

I started my antidepressants again. This week reminds me of the side effects that I don't like. It makes me really sleepy and I feel checked out. I know those symptoms will wear off so I just have to put up with them for a few weeks. I made an appointment with the psychiatrist to talk about changing my medication. It takes forever to get in, it's in November. Good thing I'm not having a crisis. Then I made an appointment(in oct.) with the psychologist that did my pre-surgery evaluation. I really liked him, so I'm going to switch to him. He asked how the weight loss was going. I told him great, but I wanted to check in with him, to talk about the non-food issues.

I lost another 2 lbs this week. It feels really good. I'm almost surprised that this is still working. I think 40lbs. is the most I've ever lost on a diet. So I guess I'm just expecting to plateau about now. In the past this would make me give up on the diet. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't just any other diet. This is really about changing my life. And thankfully the band won't let me give up.

My body is really starting to change, some bones are getting close to the surface in my upper chest. My clavicles may show again soon!!! I took my measurements yesterday I wish I would have done that sooner, because I know I've lost lots of inches. But at least I can keep track from now on. The toning routine is getting to be a little too much. I'm up to 25 reps and it takes a long time. I think I'll scale it down to every other day. Or just do it on the days that I don't do yoga. Since it's the best toning routine around.

The Perfect Storm

That was the weirdest weather I have ever been in. The wind kind of reminded me of Oklahoma dust storms, minus the big red cloud. We were one of the lucky ones in Cincinnati only lost power for a couple of hours Sunday afternoon. But 90% of Cincinnati was without power. My work closed early yesterday, work the am without power. The boys had no school yesterday and it is cancelled again today. Made me realize how spoiled we are. I was upset because I didn't have Internet access. I really rely on it. I needed to call a few places and I had thrown out all my phonebooks in the last cleaning frenzy because I just look things up online. I also missed updating my blog and checking for comments. Glad to be online again...and expect everything else to be back to normal soon. The picture is of the house in Mt. Heatlhy where a woman was killed by her tree. We were so thankful that we had cut down that old pine tree!

On another note...I stopped taking my antidepressants about 2 months ago. I wanted a break to see if my exercise routine, weight loss had restarted my own serotonin production. I was tired of the side effects, loss of libido, the numbing of emotion, etc. I was doing great for a while but the last 2 weeks I noticed my temper was shortening, starting to have sleep issues, losing motivation. This weekend I didn't want to exercise and wanted to sleep more. So all that said I decided I need the medication. I started it back up now while I still feel level headed and could make a good decision about it. Maybe I'll give it a try another time.

Elephant in the Room

Went to support group tonight. Every time I go I learn something new about the band and food. So that's good. Got some new ideas of things to add to my diet that is band friendly and high in protein. Chili, canned salmon, a great recipe for a crust less cheesecake. We had a pot luck. It it really interesting to watch people at these events around food. The big bosses are there, the nurses, the drs. Everyone is really hesitant. We went around the room and talked about our "go to" food and the food we miss the most. I have to tell you I miss pizza the most and I do rarely eat it, cause it makes me sick. But most people said ice cream. And that is a food that is really easy to go down, but not good for you. Most of the people in the room are or were food addicts. And no one admitted that they still eat ice cream. Up until about May I was still eating ice cream. Sometimes once a day. Now I've gotten down to less than once a week. We don't keep it in the house, so it's only when we go out. Holding in the truth I think just leads to shame. So I'm saying it. I eat ice cream and I plan on still eating it even while I lose weight. I think if I deny myself I'll just eat everything else I can get my hands on. I know I will because I've done it on other diets. Now, that said I'm not going to sabotage the band and eat it everyday, so I'm using some will power. But this isn't a diet...I'm changing my life style so ice cream will be rare but there is no benefit to being dishonest about being perfect all the time. OK enough of that.

I did get a slight fill .3cc. I'm up to 11.8 now. I have great restriction during the day but can eat too much in the evening. Last night I was able to eat a chili dog with the bun. So I'm learning if I can eat bread that's a red flag that I'm not adjusted properly. Hopefully I can eat during the day tomorrow. I was down 4lb. by their scale in two weeks so I'm right on track.

WARNING

I admit it I have chin hairs. I buy waxing strips and take care of it about once a month. The last kit I bought I noticed they did have eyebrow size strips. My eyebrows don't grow thick but they grow wide, halfway down my lid. It had been months since I did anything about them. I was too embarrassed to go get them professionally waxed. So I thought I can do this. I did my right eye, on the left as you look at the picture and it turned out really well, reduced the wideness. Then I put he left strip on and new it was up to high, but once you do it, it too late to readjust. I pulled the strip, looked at the amount of hair on it and new I had over shot. There is a bald spot. I was too afraid to try to make the other one match, so I'm just going to go around uneven until they grow back. And then I guess I'll have to go to a professional again. So if you do this make sure you have good lighting,good vision and good aim.

Noah's arm

Went to Orthopedic Dr. this am. He took off the splint, manipulated his arm, with the gentle touch that surgeons are known for..not. Noah took it well, his arm is bruised and still swollen. The Dr. said he didn't see anything but the swelling on the Xray that I brought from the ER. Concurred that there probably is a non displaced "crack" or hairline fracture. He instructed us to keep it in the sling for a week, immobilized and see if it improves. If not re xray, and cast if a fracture shows after swelling is gone. Since he's young it should heal fast. I think he would do better with a cast, forced immobilization, but it's only a week so he should survive. The sling keeps it hugged up to his body, with his hand inside the sling..so he gets a reprieve from writing for now. I suggested he try his left hand but he didn't like that plan. I'll add a picture later.

Updates

I did not get invited to sing with Muse, which I expected. I am still going to volunteer to be on the production crew and participate in their activism events. I'm totally fine with it, and it was still a good experience. They did invite me to sing in the co-ed Freedom Singers that the Muse director directs. I'm going to get more information and check it out. It's a choir that meets at the Freedom Center downtown.

Noah seems better today, was up several times during the night but is playing like normal today. He has found out the sling is a great place to stash his favorite little toys..."like a big pocket."

Noah plus tree equals ER

My little Noah has been climbing trees since he was 2...he's quite agile and has managed until today to avoid injury. We had our 50ft. pine tree cut down because it was dead and the branches were brittle. I was afraid someone would fall and get hurt. But Noah found another tree at Momadu and Allisane's house. They all came running to get me saying Noah "crunched his arm" Noah was sobbing. So we headed to the ER after I quickly noticed his elbow was swelling and Noah was in real pain. He cried all the way to the hospital he said I "can't stand the pressure." The xray(not the one attached) shows a lot of blood and tissue swelling at the elbow joint. The Dr. said there is no obvious fracture but the swelling indicates there is probably at least a crack in the elbow joint itself or the where the radius enters the joint. So they splinted it and we'll have to wait until Monday to see an Orthopedic dr. to get it casted. It is his right arm so we'll have to see how school goes, etc. He's fine now...propped up on my side of the bed eating chicken nuggets. I figured a trip to the ER warrented some chicken nuggets. I'll keep you posted.

The Muse

I auditioned for The Muse today. It's an all women's choir here in Cincinnati. I did OK but I don't think I have the talent to get in. I sang Cyndi Lauper's Time after Time. I really just wanted to try out as a way to broaden my social circle. They combine music with social justice, this really intrigues me and is maybe more exciting then the actual singing. I hope to at least be invited into their "5th section" which is the volunteer support staff. I met some really interesting people. One woman recognized my tattoo as an Adinkra symbol and said she had 5 on her back. No one has ever recognized my tattoo, so I felt instantly bonded! I'll hear tomorrow if I made it and let you know.

www.musechoir.org

Getting Stronger

I did my first back bend in about 30 years today in Yoga!!! I think the extra toning exercises I'm doing at night are starting to really strengthen my arms and core. I'm a little discouraged about not losing this last week. But I know this is a long haul and a slow week here and there is OK. The overall goal will still be reached, just have to keep striving. In the chat room for my surgeons office the patients often talk about scale victories and non-scale victories. (For the longest time I had no idea what they were talking about because they said SV and NSV, I finally asked.) So when the scale isn't moving as fast as I'd like, I'm going to focus on the non-scale victories. So today my NSV is a yoga back bend. That's lifting nearly 294.5 pounds up with most of the weight on my shoulders!! So I'm proud of myself for not giving up on exercise and eating right most of the time. Monday I have support group and I'll see the Dr. too, I think I need a fill. I've been able to eat too much in the evening and a little bread which shouldn't be happening when I'm properly filled. I was trying to just use will power because if I'm at the right spot in the evening I'm afraid it'll be harder to eat in at breakfast and lunch(because it losens up as day goes on due to water retention etc. But I need to let the band work for me, so it's probably time for a slight fill. I also have been avoiding it because my port is tilted and it's not quite as painless as it used to be to get a fill. Thanks for reading, talk later.

Sold for $455!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Purchased for $29.99 plus shipping cost $40.00, gas, time, ebay fees $25.00=94.99 total costs. Profit $360.01!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fist Bump

Now that I'm approaching 40lb. lost people are really starting to notice my weight loss. Even people who didn't know about the surgery. We have a resident in our office. He works mostly on Wednesdays. Our paths hadn't crossed in probably about a month. He saw me this week and said "you've lost a lot of weight, you look good". I thanked him and said I've lost almost 40lb. He walked away and then stuck his hand around the corner and said "that deserves a fist bump". It made me feel really good.

Tried a new yoga studio this am. My Y teacher also teaches there. I want to fit more classes in a week since I really like it. Today I went to the free intro. class. This instructor made all the people who had ever done it before move to the front. She pointed out my poses a few times to give people examples. That made me feel good too. I'm not a beginner anymore. During the class she said she is newly certified as an instructor and is 50yrs old. So that gives me hope.

Update Picture

Before~331 on 2/14/08 and during 294.5 on 8/25/08

I guess I see a difference....wish it was closer and in front of same door, same clothes etc. Anyway I'll keep doing this every 40lb or so.

Find of my LIFE!!!

I know already emailed some of you about this...but I still can't believe it and must tell more people. I went shopping at my favorite (though dirty and unorganized at times) store. It's called Weekend Grandview Outlet. I refer to it as the Target Outlet. It basically gets shipments of returned or off season items from other discount stores. I see mostly Target, Wal mart, Kmart brands. But there is also furniture from Bloomingdales. And half of it is taken up by boxed laminate flooring

So I went on Friday...needed some stuff I'd seen there before and there is always something I can buy. As I was leaving I noticed some items just thrown in carts by the registers. I saw something Star Wars at the bottom. I dug it out and saw it was a lego set for 16yr. and older. So I put it back knowing that Micah loves star wars but no way would he have the patience for this. Then I thought it's never too late to buy for Christmas, I'll get it for Kevin's nephew who is older and would have the patience for this. I asked the manager is this for sale she said yes I just haven't priced it yet. I said how much, she said $29.99. So I bought it. When I got home I was curious how much it was worth. I figured around 79.99. I looked it up online and it retails for $499.99!!!!!!!!!! It's the biggest lego set ever over 5,000 pieces Ultimate Collectors Series Millennium Falcon. It was at the outlet because of a tear in the box.

It's listed on Ebay if anyone is interested!!! I'll let you know how much it goes for.

Dr. visit

Had my bi-weekly check in with the surgeon today. He thinks am doing really well andI should be able to easily keep up my weight loss pace for 18 more months. My pace is about 10lb at month. So he says that means you'll be "110 in 18months." I said no way "I haven't been 110 since I was 10". I told him can't think about that yet. I do much better with small goals. I can't imagine weighing less than 150 and I think I'll be thrilled with the 150 to 190 range. But I won't discount his opinion, I am just not embracing it right now. He said I could come back in 3 weeks and if lose 6lb. in that time he'll release me to monthly appts.

Growing UP!

Dropping off went fine...I'll only teared up once. We had a really good summer and I'm not looking forward to homework time. But I'm ready for some quiet time at home. Jadon is nervous about gym class. Last year his kindergarten teacher sent kids there for punishment and the teacher made kids run laps. So even though it never happened to him, he's afraid of the teacher. I caught the teacher in the hall this am. I said I have a first grader who is really of afraid of gym. He said "Jim, Jim who...there's no Jim here...who's that some mean guy...no gym here ...we have physical education." So Jadon is just a really good judge of character and the gym teacher is a jerk. I explained well he's afraid of you because of last year, could you please use a gentle touch on him. He agreed but I'll be watching. Noah was real excited ran off with his shorts pulled up as high as possible. He needs size 10 for length but his waist is an 8, I tightened the inside belt but he still wanted to pull them up. His class is right next to Jadon's so I looked in on him and he was unloading his bag and smiling. Micah went in on his own, but I forgot to give him his extra bag with classroom supplies. I walked down to drop them off. He was unloading his bag with a frown on is face. She has him seated in the last row furthest from her, which is going to be a problem. His intervention plan says he's supposed to be in the front row close to her. I'll let it go for now. I hope he has a good day. His allergies are acting up which makes his mood low. Anyway it's so quiet here. Today I'm going to watch TV, do laundry and work out. Should be relaxing enough.

First Day of School 08-09 (4th, 2nd, 1rst)

Arms and Core

OK I'm never going to or would I ever want to look like the above picture. But I am trying to embrace my athletic side. I keep imaging the photographer saying "OK go ahead relax, put your arms down...no really put your arms down...say cheese" It looks like she cant put her arms down. Trying not to judge but this just doesn't look right...I admire her work ethic?!

Probably premature but I' starting to think about when I reach my goal....where is all this skin going to go. I'm on the young side so I maybe have to elasticity left to my skin. I am exercising so that should help. But I really want to avoid hanging skin. Not to get in a Bikini but just to help my body image and make all this work show in my body.

I also am in love with Yoga, it's the one exercise, except maybe swimming that I actually look forward too. I think I can get really good at it. Right now I want to be able to do better. Two things I know I lack are arm and core strength. I'm pretty flexible and my balance isn't bad. Now granted you use your body as your "weight" in yoga class so I lift at least twice as much as most in my class, but I still am hindered by my body.

So all this is to say that I want to do some core and arm work every day. I did some online research and found some simple exercises that I can do with home weights in my room in front of the TV. This will be the toning routine you see on my exercise chart. I figure I'll try to do it everyday. I can do it any time of day while I watch TV. I'm going to start with 5 reps for arms and 5 second hold time for core, and increase reps weekly by 5 and hold time every other week by 5 seconds working up to 100 reps and 60 seconds by 2009. So I'm telling you this plan to hold myself accountable. There will be no excuses not to do it. I watch TV every day so I can do this every day. I want to do this in addition to my 3 yoga, 3 cardio workout a week.

If anyone is interested...for arms I'll do bicep curl, triceps and shoulder raises with 3lb. weights. Increasing weight and reps weekly.

For core (abs,back) I'm going to do push ups, superman, superman twists, Vsits, crunches, crunch twists, and windmills. Increasing reps weekly and hold time (if applies) bi weekly.

Watching the Olympics, especially some of the older athletes that the announcers make a big deal of, has really inspired me. I know the horse has already left the barn when it comes to me ever competing on that level. But in my 40's I hope I can train to do something athletic. Maybe a mini triathlon. Maybe a yoga instructor or trainer with a focus on helping obese people. Maybe take over my Dad's dream and swim the English Channel. He made it sound like it was legal and safe but I'll have to look into that. Maybe I'll just get really good at Yoga and have toned "guns." Just putting some dreams out there hoping these thoughts will lead to something else.

Meoww

Noah and Micah thought it wise to get up at 6am....so Noah found a sunny spot just now and fell asleep. How cute!!

Oatmeal

I think for about 3 months now most mornings I have a protein bar. Welllll I've had enough of protein bars and need some variety. At support group I learned about protein powder. I never though I would buy one of those big jugs of powder that body builders live on. But I did it this week. The first night I tried the chocolate thinking it would kick my nightly snack attack. I made the mistake of mixing it with water instead of milk and it tasted like gritty watered down Yoohoo. So I dumped it out and thought I tried it with milk and ice in the blender next time. But I also got vanilla and added it to my oatmeal this am. It made my oatmeal power oatmeal and it actually tasted good. I never thought I'd get excited about oatmeal, so I guess I am changing.

one more thing.....

This afternoon....poor Micah got in the way of a swarm of yellow jackets. He ran in the house from room to room trying to get away from them but they were stuck on his clothes. He got stung at least 10 times and was terrified. I spent a long time with him locked in the guest room, the only place there were no yellow jackets applying ice and getting him calmed down, while Kevin killed them all. He's had benadryl and is fine now, but has a new fear.

A minor complication....

I was late getting home yesterday because I spend an extra long time at the Dr. Appartently my port is flipped. The nurse had to stick me several times and finally found the center after a lot of digging around. It didn't hurt too bad since she sticks on my incision line where it's numb, but the sound of the needle scratching the outside of the port was blood curdiling. And I had to keep my stomach muscle(yes muscle, no six pack just a couple 2 liters) flexed to make it easier. Anyway it's tilted down and toward my left foot. Not totally flipped over, but if it keeps moving around and I keep needing adjustments it'll have to be repaired. She said as I loose weight it'll get easier to find since they'll be less fat tissue on top. She said it probably happens with activity and the muscle it's sewn too, firming etc. I often get stiches around it when I do yoga twists etc and I had a bad one last week which is when it probably turned. Anyway I'm not too worried about it....since it's not painful just annoying.

Good Kid

Last night Micah and Noah and Momadu got to go the the Reds game. Momadu's older sister won 4 tickets at the Library and she didn't want to go. Anyway Jadon didn't want to go, so I said we could do something just the 2 of us. So I got home late...that's another story. But I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies or the arcade or out to eat. And he said no he wanted to help me get all the "art supplies" ready. After a few questions I realized that he saw that I had gotten a lot of school supplies and he wanted to help me organize them. I guess he remembered last year putting all the names on the making sure we had everything. So he sat on the floor and I passed him all the supplies after I put names on them and checked them off the list. We made up 3 backpacks for us and 3 bags for the festival of sharing at church. After that he asked to go get ice cream "at the place that's only open when it's hot." (our local dairy). He's a good kid.

Paints done...next curtains...wall hangins