Kim's Weight Loss

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Uncensored


Because letting it all out is really the purpose of this blog...I can't let a comment go that a friend said to me almost 48 hr. ago. And even if she reads this I still need to blog about it. It's relevance to how my brain works is the real reason, not for any embarrassment, or wanting an apology etc.
Anyway she said "you look the same". Silly I know, nothing mean like "you're still really fat". I have had at least a dozen people say they can tell I'm losing weight. And I can tell I'm losing weight, my clothes are looser. I feel better. My scale proves it. 17lb. in one month. That's really good and I'm not even adjusted all the way. So I know I'm doing a good job. But that one negative comment festered in my brain and turned into "you're a failure, it's not working, it's not going to work, you'll always be fat, your not losing weight." I don't know why those negative thoughts float around in my brain like that. I don't even think twice about the positive things people have said.
As I sit here, I'm remembering other mean things people have throughout my life... as an adult ,a group of teenagers at a library warning me not to pop my tires, or "eat" all those books in one sitting...6th grade a boy walked by my desk and unprovoked says "your fat"...Ms. Ann the bufonted dance teacher taking my measurements in front of all the kids saying "you need to be more like her",pointing to the kid who was skin and bones, my childhood nickname...bushel butt while my sisters was bony maroney. Those things stick with me and may be part of the reason I've held on to this weight. I'd come to believe all those thoughts, that I failed, that I can't lose the weight. So I know it's much more about then food I eat. It's also about the thoughts I think.
So no matter what the comments are, mean or just unintended or thoughtless...I know that I control what it turns into in my head. Just like I'm learning to control what I put in my mouth. I'll be learning new things to put in my head also. I knew it wouldn't be easy and I'm ready.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Filled



Ok first an exercise update...there is an excuse for not walking down the road for 30 minutes. Torrential downpour of rain. So that made me miss Tues and Wed. But Tuesday I walked in place while watching TV. So Wednesday will be my day off. My goal is to exercise for 30 minutes 6 days a week. Just walking for now.

I got my band filled yesterday. It was painless quick procedure. My band holds 14ml, 15ml is a tablespoon. She put in 4ml (5ml is a teaspoon). She said I may feel tight for 24-48 hr. so should be careful. For dinner I made lemon chicken, green beans and noodles. I think I had normal serving sizes, not what I would normally eat, but what it says is a serving on the package, and I did not get hungry. Today I had cereal for breakfast, Cici's buffet (salad and pizza) for lunch. And I still feel normal. I'm not noticing any difference. I'm wondering if the actual tube to the port holds 4ml so this would mean the balloon isn't even inflated. Anyway I'll get filled every 2 weeks until I'm adjusted well.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Dreams

In my dreams, I am a runner. No I'm not running from someone. Just running for exercise. I'm really good at it and I don't even get winded. I really do think that is a dream. I don't aspire to be a runner. I'm more of a treadmill walker, or that elliptical machine, I love that. I don't really like the thought of exercising, or doing it, just really like it to be done. But because I'm committed to this weight loss. And even more, not having to follow up with any cosmetic surgery. I have to exercise. So I started today...just walked for 30 min. on my lunch break at work. It worked I got winded. When I came in asked my boss if he wanted to go get some lunch. He asked if I was OK? Since I was panting, that was a good observation. I said no I'm good, I meant to do that. He remembered my love of swimming and suggested I take that up again....that's kind of hard to do on the lunch break, in winter. So for now, I'm just going to walk, maybe I'll join the YMCA or swim this summer. But you really can't give too many excuses why you can't just walk down the road for 30 min. 6 days a week. So I did for one day. I'm glad that's over....tomorrow I'll try again.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Feeling Good

Ok, I've been focusing on my blog design, so I guess it's time to write. Thought I really like the weight loss ticker, isn't it cool!!!
So I've been eating most of the food I like just in smaller quantities and I lost two pounds this week, so that's within the goals the surgeon set for me after the first time they fill my band, and that won't happen until the 20th. So I'm thinking this is working pretty well.
Some things I need to add/adjust is exercise program, not eating between meals. And what I think will be the most difficult is not drinking with meals, but still getting in 8 glasses of water a day. I not supposed to drink with food because it liquefies the food and makes it pass through faster thus reducing the feeling of fullness. But this includes 90 min after meals too. So I'm going to have to come up with a plan for that and ask for some advice. So hold me accountable (gently) friends and family and make sure I update you on these new skills I need. (exercise,dry meals, no snacking)

I have found lapbandtalk.com looked around a little and will be a great resource for some of my questions and venting. Didn't make it to last nights support group because Kevin had a meeting. But plan to go the second Monday of the month. Also am going to meet with Psychologist who did my evaluation for the surgery. He focuses on body image and I really liked him.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Encouraged!!!

Met with the surgeon, he said I should be gaining weight. He gave me two choices, either lock myself in the closet and drink water or accept the fact that I'm going to gain weight until they fill the band. I choose the later. He said it's actually a great sign that I have my appetite back because that shows that my internal swelling has gone down. So I'm going to be filled in 2 weeks and every 2 weeks after that until they find my "sweet spot" , where I'll lose just the right amount and feel full after small meals.

He also offered me a job. Said to bring my resume next visit, if I was interested in part time or even as needed for vacations etc. So I'm going to do that. I have the same days off most weeks and that would be a good support for this process, as most of the employees have a band.

Anyway feeling better.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

WAHHHHH!

Disappointed that as soon as I started eating somewhat regular food that I have gained 6 pounds. This is to be expected as the band is empty and won't be filled for another 2+ weeks. I expected to keep going down from this point so it's frustrating. I see the surgeon tomorrow and will set a date to fill the band so that I won't have such a normal stomach/appetite.

Anyway this is probably the easiest part of the process so I better not complain too much.

Scroll down for my weight loss chart.....

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Day 8 Post Op, Soft Foods

Well started out good. I had an scrambled egg for breakfast, cottage cheese and peaches for lunch and a baked potato for dinner.....then I was still hungry so around 10pm I decided I wanted a Turkey Rueben. Well I didn't have any Rye bread and new to stay away from sauerkraut so I just made a grilled turkey and Swiss. Kevin said "well look at you" are you sure you want to do that, or something to that effect. I told him to lay off that I hadn't eaten much food and I was hungry, etc etc. Well about 30 min later I was hurtin' like I had had a full Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't get sick thankfully, but I was miserable, back pain and all. Anyway my head was telling me the band is empty, this is just like a normal stomach...everything else went down fine...you better eat what you want 'cause in a couple weeks you won't be able to. So I learned my lesson, today I'm back on track. I had a yogurt smoothie for breakfast and cottage cheese for lunch. Not sure what I'll try for dinner but it won't be a turkey rueben!