Fist Bump

Now that I'm approaching 40lb. lost people are really starting to notice my weight loss. Even people who didn't know about the surgery. We have a resident in our office. He works mostly on Wednesdays. Our paths hadn't crossed in probably about a month. He saw me this week and said "you've lost a lot of weight, you look good". I thanked him and said I've lost almost 40lb. He walked away and then stuck his hand around the corner and said "that deserves a fist bump". It made me feel really good.

Tried a new yoga studio this am. My Y teacher also teaches there. I want to fit more classes in a week since I really like it. Today I went to the free intro. class. This instructor made all the people who had ever done it before move to the front. She pointed out my poses a few times to give people examples. That made me feel good too. I'm not a beginner anymore. During the class she said she is newly certified as an instructor and is 50yrs old. So that gives me hope.

Update Picture

Before~331 on 2/14/08 and during 294.5 on 8/25/08

I guess I see a difference....wish it was closer and in front of same door, same clothes etc. Anyway I'll keep doing this every 40lb or so.

Find of my LIFE!!!

I know already emailed some of you about this...but I still can't believe it and must tell more people. I went shopping at my favorite (though dirty and unorganized at times) store. It's called Weekend Grandview Outlet. I refer to it as the Target Outlet. It basically gets shipments of returned or off season items from other discount stores. I see mostly Target, Wal mart, Kmart brands. But there is also furniture from Bloomingdales. And half of it is taken up by boxed laminate flooring

So I went on Friday...needed some stuff I'd seen there before and there is always something I can buy. As I was leaving I noticed some items just thrown in carts by the registers. I saw something Star Wars at the bottom. I dug it out and saw it was a lego set for 16yr. and older. So I put it back knowing that Micah loves star wars but no way would he have the patience for this. Then I thought it's never too late to buy for Christmas, I'll get it for Kevin's nephew who is older and would have the patience for this. I asked the manager is this for sale she said yes I just haven't priced it yet. I said how much, she said $29.99. So I bought it. When I got home I was curious how much it was worth. I figured around 79.99. I looked it up online and it retails for $499.99!!!!!!!!!! It's the biggest lego set ever over 5,000 pieces Ultimate Collectors Series Millennium Falcon. It was at the outlet because of a tear in the box.

It's listed on Ebay if anyone is interested!!! I'll let you know how much it goes for.

Dr. visit

Had my bi-weekly check in with the surgeon today. He thinks am doing really well andI should be able to easily keep up my weight loss pace for 18 more months. My pace is about 10lb at month. So he says that means you'll be "110 in 18months." I said no way "I haven't been 110 since I was 10". I told him can't think about that yet. I do much better with small goals. I can't imagine weighing less than 150 and I think I'll be thrilled with the 150 to 190 range. But I won't discount his opinion, I am just not embracing it right now. He said I could come back in 3 weeks and if lose 6lb. in that time he'll release me to monthly appts.

Growing UP!

Dropping off went fine...I'll only teared up once. We had a really good summer and I'm not looking forward to homework time. But I'm ready for some quiet time at home. Jadon is nervous about gym class. Last year his kindergarten teacher sent kids there for punishment and the teacher made kids run laps. So even though it never happened to him, he's afraid of the teacher. I caught the teacher in the hall this am. I said I have a first grader who is really of afraid of gym. He said "Jim, Jim who...there's no Jim here...who's that some mean guy...no gym here ...we have physical education." So Jadon is just a really good judge of character and the gym teacher is a jerk. I explained well he's afraid of you because of last year, could you please use a gentle touch on him. He agreed but I'll be watching. Noah was real excited ran off with his shorts pulled up as high as possible. He needs size 10 for length but his waist is an 8, I tightened the inside belt but he still wanted to pull them up. His class is right next to Jadon's so I looked in on him and he was unloading his bag and smiling. Micah went in on his own, but I forgot to give him his extra bag with classroom supplies. I walked down to drop them off. He was unloading his bag with a frown on is face. She has him seated in the last row furthest from her, which is going to be a problem. His intervention plan says he's supposed to be in the front row close to her. I'll let it go for now. I hope he has a good day. His allergies are acting up which makes his mood low. Anyway it's so quiet here. Today I'm going to watch TV, do laundry and work out. Should be relaxing enough.

First Day of School 08-09 (4th, 2nd, 1rst)

Arms and Core

OK I'm never going to or would I ever want to look like the above picture. But I am trying to embrace my athletic side. I keep imaging the photographer saying "OK go ahead relax, put your arms down...no really put your arms down...say cheese" It looks like she cant put her arms down. Trying not to judge but this just doesn't look right...I admire her work ethic?!

Probably premature but I' starting to think about when I reach my goal....where is all this skin going to go. I'm on the young side so I maybe have to elasticity left to my skin. I am exercising so that should help. But I really want to avoid hanging skin. Not to get in a Bikini but just to help my body image and make all this work show in my body.

I also am in love with Yoga, it's the one exercise, except maybe swimming that I actually look forward too. I think I can get really good at it. Right now I want to be able to do better. Two things I know I lack are arm and core strength. I'm pretty flexible and my balance isn't bad. Now granted you use your body as your "weight" in yoga class so I lift at least twice as much as most in my class, but I still am hindered by my body.

So all this is to say that I want to do some core and arm work every day. I did some online research and found some simple exercises that I can do with home weights in my room in front of the TV. This will be the toning routine you see on my exercise chart. I figure I'll try to do it everyday. I can do it any time of day while I watch TV. I'm going to start with 5 reps for arms and 5 second hold time for core, and increase reps weekly by 5 and hold time every other week by 5 seconds working up to 100 reps and 60 seconds by 2009. So I'm telling you this plan to hold myself accountable. There will be no excuses not to do it. I watch TV every day so I can do this every day. I want to do this in addition to my 3 yoga, 3 cardio workout a week.

If anyone is interested...for arms I'll do bicep curl, triceps and shoulder raises with 3lb. weights. Increasing weight and reps weekly.

For core (abs,back) I'm going to do push ups, superman, superman twists, Vsits, crunches, crunch twists, and windmills. Increasing reps weekly and hold time (if applies) bi weekly.

Watching the Olympics, especially some of the older athletes that the announcers make a big deal of, has really inspired me. I know the horse has already left the barn when it comes to me ever competing on that level. But in my 40's I hope I can train to do something athletic. Maybe a mini triathlon. Maybe a yoga instructor or trainer with a focus on helping obese people. Maybe take over my Dad's dream and swim the English Channel. He made it sound like it was legal and safe but I'll have to look into that. Maybe I'll just get really good at Yoga and have toned "guns." Just putting some dreams out there hoping these thoughts will lead to something else.

Meoww

Noah and Micah thought it wise to get up at 6am....so Noah found a sunny spot just now and fell asleep. How cute!!

Oatmeal

I think for about 3 months now most mornings I have a protein bar. Welllll I've had enough of protein bars and need some variety. At support group I learned about protein powder. I never though I would buy one of those big jugs of powder that body builders live on. But I did it this week. The first night I tried the chocolate thinking it would kick my nightly snack attack. I made the mistake of mixing it with water instead of milk and it tasted like gritty watered down Yoohoo. So I dumped it out and thought I tried it with milk and ice in the blender next time. But I also got vanilla and added it to my oatmeal this am. It made my oatmeal power oatmeal and it actually tasted good. I never thought I'd get excited about oatmeal, so I guess I am changing.

one more thing.....

This afternoon....poor Micah got in the way of a swarm of yellow jackets. He ran in the house from room to room trying to get away from them but they were stuck on his clothes. He got stung at least 10 times and was terrified. I spent a long time with him locked in the guest room, the only place there were no yellow jackets applying ice and getting him calmed down, while Kevin killed them all. He's had benadryl and is fine now, but has a new fear.

A minor complication....

I was late getting home yesterday because I spend an extra long time at the Dr. Appartently my port is flipped. The nurse had to stick me several times and finally found the center after a lot of digging around. It didn't hurt too bad since she sticks on my incision line where it's numb, but the sound of the needle scratching the outside of the port was blood curdiling. And I had to keep my stomach muscle(yes muscle, no six pack just a couple 2 liters) flexed to make it easier. Anyway it's tilted down and toward my left foot. Not totally flipped over, but if it keeps moving around and I keep needing adjustments it'll have to be repaired. She said as I loose weight it'll get easier to find since they'll be less fat tissue on top. She said it probably happens with activity and the muscle it's sewn too, firming etc. I often get stiches around it when I do yoga twists etc and I had a bad one last week which is when it probably turned. Anyway I'm not too worried about it....since it's not painful just annoying.

Good Kid

Last night Micah and Noah and Momadu got to go the the Reds game. Momadu's older sister won 4 tickets at the Library and she didn't want to go. Anyway Jadon didn't want to go, so I said we could do something just the 2 of us. So I got home late...that's another story. But I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies or the arcade or out to eat. And he said no he wanted to help me get all the "art supplies" ready. After a few questions I realized that he saw that I had gotten a lot of school supplies and he wanted to help me organize them. I guess he remembered last year putting all the names on the making sure we had everything. So he sat on the floor and I passed him all the supplies after I put names on them and checked them off the list. We made up 3 backpacks for us and 3 bags for the festival of sharing at church. After that he asked to go get ice cream "at the place that's only open when it's hot." (our local dairy). He's a good kid.

Paints done...next curtains...wall hangins

Fat Girl

Had some hard memories come up in the last day. Yesterday at work a (chubby) 11 yr. old came in with her (skinny) 9 year old sister for a physical. As she went to get on the scale in the hallway. Her sister said your going to break it. When her Dad saw the number 135 at 5ft. He said "Jesus....you gotta do something about that"....I cringed and remembered that feeling of shame.

This am at Yoga, Maryann tried to help me get into a headstand...I just don't have the upper body and core strength to do it yet. I said next year...but throughout the rest of the class I had a bad memory. Back in 2000 I was doing yoga when I got pregnant with Jadon. I went to a sub. OBGYN for my first visit. I asked him if I could keep doing yoga while I'm pregnant. He laughed at me and said "you do yoga....your too big, if you stand on your head you'll break your neck. First of all he didn't really know what yoga is. It's not all about standing on your head. And 2nd of all as a Dr. he should have been encouraging me to exercise not laughing at me.

At the end of class I told my classmates the story and of course everyone was mortified and supported me. Maryann said she'd help me take baby steps and I could do a headstand eventually.

I had a good cry on the way home...I guess just letting some of the shame of being fat. When I do yoga she has us breathe out the bad stuff and inhale the good stuff. So in my head I think out with shame in with pride. I know this sounds like a little new age foo foo. But I really think of it as a prayer to release the bad yucky stuff of being a fat child and embracing my self as I am and being proud of what I'm doing to change myself. Some therapists etc. would say that people hold onto fat to protect themselves. I know I don't consciously do that....but I know this time I lose weight it has to be different. I have to let go of that shame and be proud of myself. I need to KNOW I deserve to be healthy, look good etc. OK enough with blog therapy...gotta go clean the house.