How did I get to this place 4 days from my gastric surgery-lap band placement? Well, it probably started before I was 10. But that's the first time I remember being put on a diet. It was some tween group at the hospital where my Dad worked. I was probably 110lbs, a chubby girl. Probably wouldn't have liked my body anyway, but feeling like I wasn't good enough just as I am, didn't help. I know my parents didn't want me to suffer the same pain that my Dad had been through, being overweight his whole life. So let me say now I've forgiven all of that. But in my head then and probably for most of my life fat was bad, so I was bad. Not good enough. Not worth unconditional love. That was the first of many diets. Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Optifast, low fat, low carb, phen-phen, pondimun, The Zone, Bob Green, Oprah...just to name a few. Also curves, yoga, YMCA, jazzecize, personal trainer, treadmill, exercise bike... So yes I'm great at losing weight and also great at gaining that and then some back. I know all he rules...I just don't follow them. Food for me is fun, social something to look forward too. So yes Genetics, Environment probably got me to this place, but there is more something emotional that I try to fill up.Over the last two years, I've wanted this drastic change. Ironically this desire probably came from getting to know myself more, accepting myself as I am. Knowing I am desirable and people do like me. I hope this journey helps me identify what that void is and helps me learn to fill it up with something else, something healthy, something more. I know this journey will create less of me physically but my goal is to make more of me emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
My weight today is 322, down from 331 after 6 days of slimfast in preperation for my lap band surgery this Friday the 22nd. My highest ever is 335 and I think my lowest as an adult is 150. My goal for now is 190.
Kim's Weight Loss
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2 comments:
Kim - you are so brave to share your journey, but I think you know you have many friends who care about you and support you. Your goal "...to make more of me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally." is eloquently stated and true for us all. All the best as you SUCCEED!
You said, "I hope this journey helps me identify what that void is and helps me learn to fill it up with something else, something healthy, something more." Kim, I think you know what the something else is. We were in our Beth Moore study just yesterday and she talked about this! The whole concept of Living Water. Most people hear this concept and think: yeah, we all need water to live and Jesus is that necessity. But she talked about there being another reason Jesus called himself this. We have (in your words) a void in us and we try to fill it with all kinds of things - material stuff, money, FOOD. Unfortunately, stuffing all these things in still leave gaps. She used a vase to illustrate this. Then, in a second vase, she poured water into it. The water perfectly filled every little crevice. I know I am soundy preachy and I also know that you already know all this. But I want you to know I am praying for you through this and hope that you are filled to the top with Living Water. I love you!
- Beth
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