A short story about my sparkling Colon

The Colonoscopy.

I’m only almost 37 and though I’d encourage you to take advantage of preventative health screening. Nurses are not good patients. In January of 2007 I got the flu which lead to Pneumonia and in the midst of coughing up my lungs, I managed to bulge out my birth induced hemorrhoids.
Man if you have em you know how annoying they are and most people need to use that "area" at least once a day. I feared using that" area" and even though I have a tendency to be anal retentive-I did not feel the need to do that literally.
I spent a few monthly appt. With my regular dr. telling me I had to have a Colonoscopy. I kept refusing telling her the bleeding is just hemorrhoids and the colonoscopy was not going to fix it. And the prep in itself may make them worse. She sent a referral to the GI dr. anyway and I spent months ignoring the nurse’s calls. I kept telling myself it’s just hemorrhoids, it’s just hemorrhoids.
About a year later I couldn’t take it anymore and that combined with my dr. throwing out the C word (cancer). I finally made the appt. with the GI dr. We had a lovely conversation about how we are all born with hemorrhoids and they are annoying and the difference between internal and external hemorrhoids. It was quite enlightening. He had lovely visual effects. A spliced body picture. It was an unusually long conversation for a surgeon. He actually made eye contact. I left thinking he really must love his work, and how interesting that is since his focus is hemorrhoids.
How can a person really have a passion for bleeding buttholes. That’s true dedication.
So the day arrives, I’m thinking hey dr. it’s just hemorrhoids, but I do the god awful prep and show up at a god awful hour. He puts me out, I don’t remember a thing.
He took my rectal virginity and I don’t remember a thing. I’m coming out of the haze and I hear his distinct accent. "There are no polyps, no lesions it is just hemorrhoids. I’m in a haze so just say ok, but my mind is screaming....I’ve been telling everyone that for a year, thank you very much.
The next week I get a call...his nurse says he wants to see my in the office. I’m thinking oh shit he sent away something and it’s not only hemorrhoids. I have a flash back of the c word.
So I go in I tell him I’m learning to deal with the hemorrhoids...I’m taking miralax and it’s a miracle drug. I don’t have to be afraid of pooping pain any more. He gets real serious and has a warning for me. He says "Miralax is polyethylene glycol and polyethylene glycol is also in antifreeze. So please do not get those two mixed up, because Antifreeze is poison, it is not good for you." I pause and look at him and think did you really get a good glimpse of my true self on the journey through my colon? Because I’m proud to say I have common sense and I’m a nurse. He makes eye contact again and I see a smile coming to his face. His first smile. I laughed and thought. What a good man, a good man who can make a joke even though he has to deal with pains in the ass all day.