Pulling out my grey hairs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone should really warn people about how hard parenting can be. You really just focus on the physical exhaustion in the beginning. The sleepless nights, diapers and constant vigilance. So in some ways it gets easier. Most nights they don't wake me up anymore. But today Micah got a note sent home saying "Micah seems to have lost focus lately, anything going on I should know about?" This is from the teacher who we have had ongoing conversations about, Micah's mood, ADD etc. She disagrees with us and thinks he just lacks motivation. Now we've spent about $1000 and many hours. We have recommendation letters from a psychiatrist, psychologist and a pediatrician that say he needs educational testing and an IEP. Soooo when the teacher says anything going on that I should know about....I want to say" yeah, you know that testing we asked for months ago, we still need it!!!! "So in his journal I wrote, just the same issues we've been dealing with for months! But then I wrote a formal letter to the principal, teacher, counselor and school psychologist once again requesting educational testing.

Then Noah tells me that he missed recess because he talked back. And when I told him he couldn't do that or I'd ground him from after school play. He proceeded to say he wished the recess helpers were dead and I was dead. So everything he's asked me for this eve. my response has been, "dead mom's can't tie balloons, dead moms can't get you a drink, dead moms can't get you a snack. "So he says "you talk about dead too much." Maybe he got the point.

And then to top it all off Noah and Jadon decided to water the dirt. They came in covered in mud. And since Jadon knew he was going to get in trouble, he didn't bother to come in and go to the bathroom, so I was cleaning up mud and poop. What a mess.

I say to Kevin someone should have told us how hard parenting is. And his response is "we have a lot easier then some parents....and a lot harder then others.(pure Kevin wisdom) Pretty soon they'll be headed off to college and we'll be missing them. "I couldn't help but add "or to prison!!"

A short story about my sparkling Colon

The Colonoscopy.

I’m only almost 37 and though I’d encourage you to take advantage of preventative health screening. Nurses are not good patients. In January of 2007 I got the flu which lead to Pneumonia and in the midst of coughing up my lungs, I managed to bulge out my birth induced hemorrhoids.
Man if you have em you know how annoying they are and most people need to use that "area" at least once a day. I feared using that" area" and even though I have a tendency to be anal retentive-I did not feel the need to do that literally.
I spent a few monthly appt. With my regular dr. telling me I had to have a Colonoscopy. I kept refusing telling her the bleeding is just hemorrhoids and the colonoscopy was not going to fix it. And the prep in itself may make them worse. She sent a referral to the GI dr. anyway and I spent months ignoring the nurse’s calls. I kept telling myself it’s just hemorrhoids, it’s just hemorrhoids.
About a year later I couldn’t take it anymore and that combined with my dr. throwing out the C word (cancer). I finally made the appt. with the GI dr. We had a lovely conversation about how we are all born with hemorrhoids and they are annoying and the difference between internal and external hemorrhoids. It was quite enlightening. He had lovely visual effects. A spliced body picture. It was an unusually long conversation for a surgeon. He actually made eye contact. I left thinking he really must love his work, and how interesting that is since his focus is hemorrhoids.
How can a person really have a passion for bleeding buttholes. That’s true dedication.
So the day arrives, I’m thinking hey dr. it’s just hemorrhoids, but I do the god awful prep and show up at a god awful hour. He puts me out, I don’t remember a thing.
He took my rectal virginity and I don’t remember a thing. I’m coming out of the haze and I hear his distinct accent. "There are no polyps, no lesions it is just hemorrhoids. I’m in a haze so just say ok, but my mind is screaming....I’ve been telling everyone that for a year, thank you very much.
The next week I get a call...his nurse says he wants to see my in the office. I’m thinking oh shit he sent away something and it’s not only hemorrhoids. I have a flash back of the c word.
So I go in I tell him I’m learning to deal with the hemorrhoids...I’m taking miralax and it’s a miracle drug. I don’t have to be afraid of pooping pain any more. He gets real serious and has a warning for me. He says "Miralax is polyethylene glycol and polyethylene glycol is also in antifreeze. So please do not get those two mixed up, because Antifreeze is poison, it is not good for you." I pause and look at him and think did you really get a good glimpse of my true self on the journey through my colon? Because I’m proud to say I have common sense and I’m a nurse. He makes eye contact again and I see a smile coming to his face. His first smile. I laughed and thought. What a good man, a good man who can make a joke even though he has to deal with pains in the ass all day.

too long

I find myself fluctuating between thinking this is never going to work..and telling myself to relax about the whole situation. I got my band filled again yesterday so I'm up to 6.5ml. Every time she has told me now you may only be able to do liquids for the next 24 hr. and if you can't eat within 48 hr. come back for an unfill. Well that's not happening. I feel mostly normal. I can still eat 3 meals a day and snack in the evening. I know I am eating less, but I'm just maintaining the previous weight loss.

On the other hand. There was a women in the waiting room who had her surgery Feb. 2007 and has lost 90lbs. And she said this is what you'll look like next year. So I know I'm just being inpatient but I'm so excited for this surgery to start working.

My sister Kelly said I should start writing everyday. But unless you want a food journal or gas counter that's not going to happen. But I will start to write more often an maybe not always about surgery etc. There are no blogging rules I guess.

Fill er Up...unleaded please

So I had my second fill on Thursday. They put in 1ml for a total of 5ml..or a teaspoon. I notice a difference but not dramatic. The surgeon said if I keep losing weight I don't have to be adjusted again until I get the signs I'm not full enough. I met with the other surgeon this week he was really nice and kept calling me a "superstar". He also offered to help me put my shoes back on which I thought was a very nice gesture and no one has ever done for me before. But when your overweight it is really hard to bend over and tie shoes etc. If you look around you'll notice most overweight people wear slip ons.

Regarding my weight ticker I haven't updated it because I'm fluctuating between 314 and 318. The past few weeks are my normal weeks to hold water due to taking my hormones. So I'm not stressing over it. My pants were literally falling off today, even my underwear!! So I know it's working. I'll move my weight ticker down when I consistently weigh less than 314.

So that's it for now. Remember I check my comments everyday and love when I get them. If you don't want to get a blogger id, just click anonymous and sign your name in the comment itself.