Adjusted!

Went to the surgeon Wednesday. Saw a nurse she checked everything out and it seems my band is fine. Ended up getting a small fill and I feel like I'm at the right spot. Now I just have to get my mind in the right spot. My goal for at least this week is to bump my exercise back up to at least 4 times a week. The weather should be warming up so I'll try to walk on my lunch break and get to as many yoga classes as possible. I also am going to experiment with not eating after dinner. This is my hardest time and easiest time to eat stuff I shouldn't be. So my rule will be if I'm truly hungry end the day with some protein or a 100 cal. treat.

I'm still Here!

I KNOW I haven't kept up with this. I guess I'm just at status quo..I don't really have anything newsworthy to share. I'm busier with working full time. My exercise routine has suffered. I know I'll get back to it. I'm just trying to focus on making healthy choices and not worrying about the scale. But I do worry about the scale. Let's just say I feel like I've mastered maintenance prematurely. I'm going to the surgeon this week. A few weeks ago I had heartburn and had to get an unfill. Since then I think I need a fill. Then I had an awful stomach bug this week...didn't eat for 48hrs. Then did mushie food and now I'm feeling very little restriction which makes me nervous that something is wrong with my band. Anyway I'll update after I see the Dr.

Finally moving again....

I reached my lowest weight in this millennium this morning-278. I'm doing much better with my eating since I've been busy at work. Packing exactly what I know I can eat instead of guessing at what I order. But being busy at work has not helped my exercising. I decided not to beat my self up over it. I'm just going to work out on my 1/2 days or days off from work, which will still be 4 times a week. I know as the days lengthen and the weather is nicer I'll do more. I'm also trying not to stress out too much if this kind of plateau happens again. I know that I'm not going to give up and if it takes me 5 years instead of 2 to reach my goals that's still ok. And better then what I would've gained in 5 years if I had not had the surgery. It's had to believe my "bandiversary" is approaching. I'll start thinking about what has changed in this past year for a big 1 year celebration blog.

On the depression front I'm feeling much more like myself. I'm getting used to the c-pap machine and sleeping better. No miraculous energy yet but I'm hopeful.

I had 2 shortened work days this week because of the weather. We've been able to spend some wonderful quality time cleaning up after the children!!!! Do you think they'll have school this weekend to make up for being off tues-wed.-thurs?

It's Thursday Again

I lost 2lbs. this week...hopefully this means I'm back on track. I did well with the exercise. Walking on lunch break has been good. I don't look forward to it, but I know I won't work out after a long day at work, so unless I'm going to get up earlier this is the best I can do.

Went to support group Monday night, it was an open house at the new office. I got a small fill..I'm filled to 12.5 out of 14 now. I do notice a difference, it's helped me decrease my portions.

My boss and I made a packing pact...so I'm only going to eat out on Wednesdays. This should help my pocketbook and weight loss.

The newest antidepressant seems to be working at a lower dose. The c-pap machine for apnea is awful. I think I've been sleeping worse. The Dr. said it could take a month to get used to so I'm going to stick with it. But if I don't feel better after that, I figure it's not worth it.

Thursday Update

I was down 4lbs. this am. I still think I'm having water issues. I'm having a harder time getting all my water in when it's cold. And I guess I'm just kind of tired of drinking water. So I think I'm holding water...when this relieves maybe I'll have a bigger weight loss. Anyway 4lbs. is great in a week...but you always want more. I did OK with my exercise plan, had to take Sat. off because I was sick. then Tuesday I usually take off because it's my busy day at work, Tuesday night I had my sleep study so didn't sleep great with 15 wires and a mask hooked to me. Then Wed. an unplanned work day so didn't get my exercise in because I was so tired when I got home. All of these excuses is to say that I'm going to have to do something different with my exercise plan because I'm going to start working full time. I think I'm going to have to work out in the am before work or my lunch break. But in the winter it's hard to walk outside. I feel much better when I exercise...so I'll just have to have a new routine. When I wait til evening I'm just to worn out to motivate myself.

I can't say I had any one perfect day with my eating but I had many near perfect days and I'm happy with that. I really tired of protein bars so I've been eating oatmeal with protein powder and that's been a good start to my day.

Started a new antidepressant this week..so far no headaches, etc. So I hope this is THE one. I am also going to start sleep apnea treatment. I got a CPAP machine to constantly push air into my nose. My study showed me waking an average of 20x an hour with no REM sleep which could explain some of my depression symptoms.

So this 2009 is going to be my year into health. By 2010 I hope to be on no meds and maintain weight loss. It's going to be a good year.

RUBY

Just finished watching the season finale of Ruby. If you haven't seen this show you should. Ruby started the show at 477lbs and in tonight's episode she hits the 100lb lost mark, down to 373. She has really inspired me...I know it's reality television and it's edited to show what it wants but she is so beautiful inside and out and charming and lovable. On this episode she talked about things she wanted to do when she "gets skinny". Which made me think I should make a list of things I want to do when I get to my goal or maybe a list at 100lbs. off and another for my next goal of being under 200lbs. I'll work on that and keep you posted. Check out the website to find out when the show is on etc. I just added her blog to my faves.

I'm sticking to my resolutions so far. Being sick messed up my exercise yesterday...but I'll just have to work out on another day I planned to take off. I have to tell you it's been a struggle to not give up already. This blog does help hold me accountable.

Resolved

OK...we're going to say the holidays are officially over. I've had a hard time staying on my food plan since October. I essentially haven't lost any weight and by this am's weigh in I've gained a little. But I'm trying to force myself not to worry about it and just move on. Some of my struggle has been just all the temptation and some of it has just been my usual pattern of diet failure. The good news is...now that I have the band I can't give up all the way.

I just reviewed my goals from July 4th...and they have not been met. But I still have time to catch up. I would like to be down 75lbs. by my band anniversary 2/22/09. And down 100lbs. by my birthday 6/7/2009. I think that's going to be difficult but I'm not going to give up.

Some things I think I can do to kick start my weight loss again is work out almost everyday. So my goal for January is 27 out of 31, that's one day off a week for those days I just run out of time. I'm going to plan to be perfect with my eating every other day. To help with that I'm going to up my water intake, only eat out while working one day a week and pack the other days. Only eat while seated. If you make that rule that cut outs a bite here and there while cooking or passing the back counter at work, or cleaning off the boys plates. I'm resolved to try this at least for January while a lot of people go on a diet. If I get back in the weight loss zone it Will motivate me to keep striving.

I measure myself today and had stayed the same..so I know my poor eating habits have cancelled out my exercise benefits.

I'm not going to move my weight loss ticker but the scale this am said 288, so that's up 9 lbs. in 2 months. I think half of that is water because of new years eve salt and some wine and not drinking all my water yesterday. So I think it'll come off fast. I'm going to set Thursday as my weigh in update day so all do a blog update weekly. I've put the scale away until then, but hope I'll be 280 by next week.

The pics tell it all...

I have planned and wrapped and budgeted my brains out for months and it was over soooo quick. The boys are happy and entertained at present. We'll see how long that last. Because of church and travel plans, we usually open on Christmas Eve. This year they nagged me into opening at 3pm. I remember doing the same so I guess it's o.k.

Merry Christmas to ALL!!

Pics from Kevin's Grad...Dayton Trip

Rev. Dr. Kevin Howard Orr

On December 19th, Kevin officially became a Dr. the boys and I made it for most of the service. They didn't understand the true scope but they hung in there. Noah at one point asked if he could blow out the candles. We were at a Catholic church, so I told him that could mess up someones prayers. Noah also saw Daddy kiss some woman during the service. He looked at me and said "ohhhh Daddy's in trouble". As they processed out Noah ran right up to Kevin and told him that mommy's was going to slap him in the face for kissing that woman!!

My dream of being married to a Dr. finally came true!!!! Seriously it was a lot of work and I'm very proud!!

Afterwards I drove the boys to my two childhood homes...that was fun. Above are more pictures. The house is 6310 Shadowlake Dr. my home for 10yrs. to 15yrs old.

I'm OK

Just a quick note because I can't leave that blah post hanging out there. I'm starting to feel a little better or at least neutral. I'm not sure this antidepressant is going to work because the Dr. said to increase my dose but when I tried my BP went up and headaches started. So since my BP was fine on the lower dose I'm going to try to hold it out here for a few weeks and see if it works. If not I'll have to move on to something else.

On the other hand, Micah is doing GREAT. His new antidepressant has brought smiles back to his face and he seems more like himself.

I'm pretty much ready for Christmas, a little more wrapping to do and then the big day.

Blah blah

Just a quick update because I could use some positive vibes sent my way. Weaned off my old antidepressant this week and started the new one. Good news is it hasn't effected my blood pressure and have a little more energy, don't want to sleep all the time. But since I'm not up to full effectiveness on the new one, I'm feeling really depressed. Cried a lot today, feel irritable and overwhelmed.

Micah is feeling about the same as me. Got a one day suspension today for ripping up a paper and calling his science teacher the "B" word. He admits the paper, but swears he did not say the word that got him suspended. I tend to believe him as he seems to only be getting in real trouble with this teacher that he only is with 45min a day. I had a discussion with the principal, asking again for some support from the school system instead of just punishments, but feel like I'm beating my head up against the wall. So we'll be having some meetings soon I hope. Last spring we did all this testing and had meetings that got us nowhere. They said yes he has ADD, ODD, depression but since it isn't effecting him at school we don't need to do anything. I reminded the principal of this conversation and said now that it is effecting him at school something needs to be done. He says the punishments etc. would be the same even with some accommodation, so what good is that going to do. I pointed out that at least we'd have a plan and be working as a team to help Micah instead of punishing him for lack of motivation, apathy and outburst which are all not really Micah but symptoms of his diagnoses. Of course I think he should be punished for bad behavior but I also think the teachers could see this behavior escalating and sent him for a time out or to the counselor to talk it out, preventing the anger from escalating to this outburst.

I know that this stress is disproportionately worse due to my own depression and that this cycle will head back up again but it's just really hard right now. It's also effecting my eating and exercise. Yoga makes me feel better but even that has been hard to stay motivated to get to.

Monthy Measurements

I've had a rough month when it comes to weight loss so we are going to celebrate the non-scale victories this update. I'm still at 279 but expect a big move to be coming. Since Halloween I allowed sugar back into my life and I can't break the cycle. I think when I eat something sweet it just spikes my blood sugar and when it comes back down I need more. In general I think I'm eating the same amounts just not always of the right foods. And I don't always stay full for 4 hours which has been easy in the past. I've had less motivation with the exercise also only did 17 out of my 23 for this month goal. But on to the positives.

I still lost inches 1 in hips, .5 in waist, 3 in my chest!!!, 1 in calf's and 1 in thighs. For a grand total of 8.5 this month. I was wearing a 4x-26/28 top now I can wear an 1x, or 14/16. I am snugly in size 20 jeans and comfortably in 22's.

Exercise..I could barely tie my shoes now I can stand on my hands and my head in yoga. I've been easily doing 90min athletic yoga workouts and looking forward to them. I took my friend Ron on Thanksgiving and he was sweating buckets by the end and he runs 6 miles at a time and is in the shape of his life.

Mental Health...I've been doing biweekly counseling sessions which are helping me deal with the non-food issues of this weight loss. I started a new antidepressant today that I hope will give me more motivation and energy instead of the numbness I felt on the old one. I've successfully weaned off of Lexapro that I've taken for almost 3 years, without any melt downs yet.

I can finally see a major difference in my before and after pictures.

My Dr. gave me a little fill and a lot of encouragement last week. Reminding me that I will need more support through January since food is all around. I'm back to every two week appts. for now.

Check Her Out!!!!!!!!!

331 in Feb.

294.5 August

280 November

Updates!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was at the Muse concert this weekend and I walked by a mirror. And I thought cool a slimming mirror. I called my new friend over who I thought would appreciate a look at herself. She said no it's not, that's just a normal mirror. I guess I haven't adjusted to my newer self yet.

Had 4 Dr. appt today, new psychiatrist to adjust my meds, counselor to deal with my ongoing issues, surgeon to get a small fill, and dentist for 3 fillings!!! Busy day but good investment in taking care of myself.

Having a few issues with not wanting to do any exercise except yoga. But can't fit that in everyday. Have been eating some junk since Halloween, broke the no sweet habit and kept breaking it. Had lots of leftover rolls from Kevin's party and have been eating them to often. Was avoiding the Dr. because I knew my weight loss wouldn't be great, but he gave me a good pep talk and I'm just going to keep on keeping on. Unless I get the band taken out, I can't give up on this diet. I am up a pound,but really had lost 4 and gained 5 by my count.

Kunda-WHAT?!?

I headed out to my regular Saturday free Yoga class at the Edge this am. I like it because there are usually a lot of new people. It boosts my self esteem to know where we are going next. Being an "advanced" student compared to the new yogis is great. Today we had a sample class of Kundalini yoga. I had seen the class on the schedule, heard about the teacher with turbans, but I had no clue what it was. I had read the description that had to do with clearing chakras and it sounded to new agey to me so I never went. So the teacher, we'll call her J in case she googles Kundalini and her name and finds this blog. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

She greeted me at the door, great eye contact, firm handshake. Fully dressed in white plus a white turban head thingy. She was probably in her 60's. You know those people who really got into Macrame plant holders in the 70's or beanie babies in the 90's and just never got out of it. Yeah she was stuck. 60's India, I guess. We started on the floor and normal pose but then we were doing dragon breathing and pulling our sexual organs up towards our navels. Yes she actually said constrict your "rectum, your sexual organs up towards your navel". Then she had us hold our thumbs up, stick out our tongues and pant like a puppy. I held the laughter in, but I thought this has to be a joke...where's the camera. But I really lost it when she had us do a spinal massage back and forth on the mat. She said "that's it, rock and roll, dance with your soul." The last straw was when she said I want you to do what Roger does and I'm going to talk you through it. Lay on your mat, do you feel it your like little popcorn heating up in oil. Move on your mat....move all your limbs, bounce all around. It looked ridiculous.

So I didn't sweat but I had a really good laugh. That's it dance with your soul.....

Need Advice HELP

Noah is getting in serious trouble at school lately. He has had 2 trips to the principal and several other in classroom punishments. Yesterday on conference day he got caught in the bathroom talking about killing another student who tattled on his friend. The teacher said this student gets in trouble with her for the constant tattling. Today got a call from the teacher who said she lost it with him and another student because they told an autistic student that his lunch partner was out of school because he died. I know Noah's true self and he would not hurt a student. And I also appreciate his ability to express his emotions. But I don't know how to convey that he has to be his own person no matter what the other kids are doing. And that his words matter and they hurt people. His teacher says that he is not the ring leader but that doesn't really help us when he's following the bad behavior. We're going to start with being grounded all weekend. I also think he'll need to do some acts of kindness to make amends. I'll take any advice anyone has about how to deal with this. Parenting is HARD!!!!!!!!

October Summary

Lost 7lbs. this month. Maybe a little off because of travel, always eat more than I normally would when I'm off my routine. Had a great trip to Nashville and Atlanta seeing college friends and Uncle Ron.

Starting taking measurements about 6 weeks ago. I've lost 2 in. in my hips, 3.5 in my waist, 2 in my chest, 1 off each arm, 1.5 off of each calf and 2.5 off of each thigh. That's a grand total of 17.5 inches! Wish I would have kept track of this since the beginning or at least since I started exercising. But I'm thrilled with the results so far.

I DID ITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally almost did a headstand at Yoga tonight. They were doing really crazy things in the ultimate class, so I thought I have to go out of my comfort zone. I did it against the pillar and managed to get one leg off of the wall. I must say it was very invigorating. All that blood rushing to your head creates a great natural high.

Bling!

I was just upstairs showing Micah some new clothes I bought him. He said "did you get me any new shirts". I told him he didn't need any new shirts. He said "I want a shirt like Cameron wore for pictures." He explained it was white with gold money signs and money bags. Then he said he wanted a necklace with a cents sign on it. I think he meant a dollar sign. I said then you'll really be gangster, which is a word he uses all the time. I thought I'd try to be cool. He said "mom to be a gangster you need a girl and a gun." And you have to be bad. I tried to convince him that he could start a new gangster thing and just have girls who are friends, no guns and be cool not bad. Then I told him that he didn't have to wear anything or have anything to be cool, he was already cool. He said "I know that mom, I just want to be like Cameron, because he's my friend". This conversation is a great reminder of how hard it is to parent sometimes. I love that Micah is outgoing and artistic and into fashion. But it scares me that he would think having a gun was cool. I'm sure we'll continue these kinds of conversations in the year to come. Well have to go because now my growing up boys are fighting over the remote.