Post Op Day 6

Still feeling good. Made it through work with just a little soreness. Everyone is being really supportive. Looking forward to eating tomorrow.

Day 16 down 17lb. to 314lb!!!

Post Op Day 4

Now that I'm feeling better, I'm up and about the house more. Which means I have to face FOOD. I've been doing fine. Kevin had meetings last night so I did dinner. Noah asked for some pasta instead of the delivered Lasagna(thanks Deb and Jeannie). I cooked it and as I always do when it beeped I put some in my mouth to check doneness. I totally panicked and spit it out of my mouth. Later I served up some Lasagna and rolls for Micah...I really just wanted to shove a bunch in my mouth. BUT I didn't ...it was a great reminder of how I unconsciously eat, so I'm going to have to learn to think differently. I have been dreaming about food, and scheming in my head what I'll eat first on Friday. I'm thinking a scrambled egg which sounds great...because so much of the liquids are sweet, I've about had it with sweet.

Down 14 lb. to 317lb this am!!! Yeah!!!!

Day 3 post op

Feeling better every day. Today just sore but gas pains are awful. I remember them from my gall bladder surgery, I guess from pumping up the whole abdomen with air so they can see what they are doing. So the gas has settled in my right shoulder, back and neck. Moving around seems to help. I still have no appetite just drinking a lot. Have had yogurt smoothies, and pudding. My band isn't full, but it definitely feels different going down. Like a little 3 oz pudding was like a buffet. Not sure if that's just post surgery or my new small pouch. Though I'm not hungry I look forward to more variety. One more day home and then back to work on Wednesday. I haven't put a bra on yet and based on where the incisions are I have a feeling that will be my biggest issue on Wednesday. But I might get fired if I go bra less...don't want to scare the children or have them want to regress to breastfeeding. So I'll just have to work it out.

Everyone has been really supportive, my friends are bringing in meals this week, church next week. My Columbus friends sent me flowers and my boss called to check on me. Thanks everyone. Boys are fine. Kevin gets tired of being single parent, but he made it through the weekend and the boys are all in school this week. Micah asked me how long it's going to take for me to get skinny. I told him I'll just be less fat, maybe they would start to notice in a couple months!

Day 1 post op

Doing fine just really sore and gas pains. Probably worse than yesterday, but decided not to take any narcotic pain med. Makes me too loopy and the advil is taking the edge off. Some of my band aids came off in shower. Incisions look good. There is the biggest sorer one in the middle that I can feel the port through. It hurts the most, but managing. Had some soup etc today and still no nausea or vomiting. Keep you updated.

Op day

Survived the weather made it to surgical hospital in plenty of time. No traffic this am, just rain and the roads had been prepped well. I slept most of the day. Feel like I have a bad hangover. Dry mouth, foggy, headache. And I must of been in a bar fight but don't remember a thing. Surgery staff were well oiled, lots of people and attention and then I fell asleep. After I mumbled that what I was allergic too, I was off to la la lap band land. I have 4 incisions low above my waist and one up high to the left of my breast bone. I think that's my port because it seems to be biggest and sorest. I also had a hiatal hernia that they repaired while they were in there. I had been waking up with a choking, coughing feeling in the last few months. I had thought it was sleep apnea, but had a clear study. So they think it may have been reflux causing the problem, so maybe that problem will be solved too. I've held down clear fluids today, took the pain med once and some Advil. They put a motion sickness patch behind my ear, I think it's causing some dry mouth, and woozy feeling. I'll take it off tomorrow, in case it's the reason for no nausea. Tomorrow I can have full liquids, pudding, soup, yogurt. I do that for a week. Then slowly advance from really soft foods, to moist regular foods for 2 weeks. He said mostly that's no tough meat, steak, salad and raw vegetables. Ironically what sounds good is a Black and Blue steak salad from O'Charleys. But that can wait. Dr. Mobley called tonight said to call him with any swallowing problems or pain along with the usual post surgery adverse symptoms, fever, bleeding, etc. They pre dosed me with antinausea, antibiotics and pain meds, which has kept me symptom free. I told the anesthesiologist my favorite joke that I had toothpaste for breakfast he chuckled. And I also told the surgeon I drank 30 ounces with my pill this am instead of 30cc, which is 1 ounce. He told me I was dreaming. I go back in 2 weeks for a follow up and then in another 2 weeks to fill my band. OK that's enough for now.

Day 10 slimfast, clear liquids.
Down 12.5 pounds to 318.5!

Counting down...

OK so they moved up my surgery to 730am, which means we have to arrive at 630am...Which would be fine except were in the middle of a winter storm. Supposed to get 3 inches of snow and ice. YUCK. Had to make arrangements for the boys since they probably won't have school tomorrow. Took them to Deb and Chuck's tonight for a sleepover. They were happy for the treat and looking forward to sledding down their front yard hill. I remember my Dad crying the day before he went in for Gastric Bypass and I was Micah's age. Micah was nervous he said. But they all gave me big squeezes. Micah made me a spoon play dough sculpture he said it was "for my surgery". I was thinking a straw would be more appropriate as I will continue liquids for 2 more weeks. But he gets it, it's a food thing. He told me today that it didn't matter if I was big or small or medium that I was still the best mom. OK 12 hours to go. I'm nervous. I have lots of Tivo shows saved up and 3 blockbuster movies to watch, so I 'll be entertained if I can't sleep. If not I'll have plenty to keep me busy while I'm on bed rest this weekend.

Pre-OP

Just met with Anesthsia and Surgeon to make sure all is a go for Friday. Everyone was happy for me and excited because I was the first successful appeal that they have done in house. They hired a new lawyer recently just to do appeals and I was her first case. Everyone keeps asking are you excited? Yes I am but very nervous. I don't think about the actual procedure but how this is going to change my relationship with food. People who don't have food issues don't really get it. Kevin asked how the slimfast was going and I said fine, I'm not physically hungry but I'm emotionaly hungry. He's said what does that mean. He doesn't get that part. Eating because your bored or anxious or sad or happy. Once my uncle Ron took me to Ruth Chris steak house. I took a bite of the chocolate mouse and actually cried because it was so good. Last night I was watching Survivor and my mouth started watering because of the clams they were choking down. So maybe that was physical hunger, but I know the emotional hunger is going to be an issue. So my surgery is 830 am this Friday, I have to arrive at 730am and should be on my way home by 1130am. Four hours to change my life. So I'm divorcing food, we can still be friends and see eachother just no love affair.

WEIGHTS I REMEMBER

Birth 7lb.130z
10yrs 110
my first kiss 120
pre weight watcher camp 14yr. old 152
post weight watchers camp 14yr. old 140
optifast age 18 pre:190 post 150
college 150 to 200
Nutrisystem...220 to 190 could cross my legs, had lots of dates
engaged 200
married 250
first child 250
second child 250
third child, first pregnancy 260 to 250 to 276
last diet 2006 pre cruise 317 to 290

Week 1

Begining Tuesday Febuary 12, 2008 I started eating only slimfast in preperation for surgery. My doctors said it would shock my body and shrink my liver. But because I watch Big Medicine on Discovery Heatlh, I know that there's more to it. If my liver is down in the way for surgery it may get knicked which bloodies the field and complicates the surgery and my recover. When I told a co-worker this she gasped as if I should be afraid of this surgery. But her nor many other people have looked at me and told me I should be afraid to walk around at this weight. That is was dangerous, that I was at risk for many health complications. So my rule now is you aren't allowed to tell me your fears for my surgery unless you ever told me your fears for my health. AND you aren't allowed to tell me I'm getting to thin....unless you ever told me I was getting too fat.

Down 9lbs.

The Journey Begins.....

How did I get to this place 4 days from my gastric surgery-lap band placement? Well, it probably started before I was 10. But that's the first time I remember being put on a diet. It was some tween group at the hospital where my Dad worked. I was probably 110lbs, a chubby girl. Probably wouldn't have liked my body anyway, but feeling like I wasn't good enough just as I am, didn't help. I know my parents didn't want me to suffer the same pain that my Dad had been through, being overweight his whole life. So let me say now I've forgiven all of that. But in my head then and probably for most of my life fat was bad, so I was bad. Not good enough. Not worth unconditional love. That was the first of many diets. Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Optifast, low fat, low carb, phen-phen, pondimun, The Zone, Bob Green, Oprah...just to name a few. Also curves, yoga, YMCA, jazzecize, personal trainer, treadmill, exercise bike... So yes I'm great at losing weight and also great at gaining that and then some back. I know all he rules...I just don't follow them. Food for me is fun, social something to look forward too. So yes Genetics, Environment probably got me to this place, but there is more something emotional that I try to fill up.Over the last two years, I've wanted this drastic change. Ironically this desire probably came from getting to know myself more, accepting myself as I am. Knowing I am desirable and people do like me. I hope this journey helps me identify what that void is and helps me learn to fill it up with something else, something healthy, something more. I know this journey will create less of me physically but my goal is to make more of me emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

My weight today is 322, down from 331 after 6 days of slimfast in preperation for my lap band surgery this Friday the 22nd. My highest ever is 335 and I think my lowest as an adult is 150. My goal for now is 190.